Let’s face it. Every family has issues. But what about those of us who know we are the black sheep who don’t fit into the family unit? We don’t agree with the behaviors or cycles in which the family insists on everyone’s participation year after year. These people are called generational-cycle breakers.
So, if you are looking for information on overcoming these generational issues, you are in the right place. Let’s dive into what a generational cycle-breaker is and some steps you can take to become one!
What Is a Generational Cycle-Breaker?
The term “cycle-breaker” refers to a person who sees a toxic cycle or pattern in their family unit and wants to break it. The cool part about becoming a generational cycle-breaker is that you free the whole bloodline from the issues, including future generations.
Being the cycle-breaker often means being the black sheep. But, while it may heal your DNA and future children, it may not do anything for your parents or grandparents.
They may become more toxic to you since your ways are going to be so much different than theirs. But that’s okay.
You are becoming a generational cycle-breaker for yourself and your future children. Your parents may have a different path to live, and that’s okay.
In fact, be prepared for some resistance from your family members when you break out of their patterns and way of life. Most people do not like change and will see you as different, but that’s what you want!
You want to be different. You feel it in your soul that it’s your job to clear the bloodline of the generational curses.
While your parents may still behave in a way that is comfortable to them, I fully believe we heal the lineage’s DNA all the way back to your passed-on ancestors.
So, while they may not change their behaviors, you are still breaking curses for your family that they have been dealing with for years and years.
So, if you feel the pull to make these changes, let’s explore how to become a generational cycle-breaker!
How Do I Become a Generational Cycle-Breaker?
Once you decide to answer the call to become the generational cycle-breaker, you need to know where to start. Let’s take a look at some of the best steps to get you there.
1. Look at the Belief Patterns and the Toxic Behavior in Your Bloodline
Generational trauma is passed down through our DNA. It affects each member of the family differently, but you can typically observe beliefs or behaviors that just seem toxic to you.
So, the first step is to look at the behaviors, patterns, or beliefs that don’t align with your own. For example, let’s assume you were told to believe a specific thing as a child. Your parents were trying to program you to think how they thought. While as a kid, you might have stuck to those beliefs, now you look back, and you just disagree.
Then, look at the behaviors that you disagree with. Maybe your family members are all gamblers. Perhaps they want to eat out every night, and your body craves better, more nourishing food.
Maybe your family handles anger in a toxic manner. Maybe they fistfight or punch holes in the walls when they get upset.
It doesn’t always have to be the bigger issues that most people think about, like relationship problems, addictions, communication problems, money issues, or abuse.
There could just be some patterns or beliefs that you disagree with and want to change for you and your kids, maybe future kids, or simply for your own life.
2. Identify the Behaviors That You Are Ready To Break Free From
Your next step to becoming a generational cycle breaker is to determine the specific behaviors that you will no longer participate in.
If you live with your family, this may mean that you will have to move out and live on your own. It can be quite challenging to go against the grain in someone’s house. Some family members could actually forbid you to behave in a certain way or do things differently depending on the circumstances.
If you are living on your own, then you know you can start to change the behavior patterns that you don’t resonate with. Some of these cycles are really hard to break.
In fact, there are some patterns you have been exposed to since you were a small baby, and you really don’t know any other way at all. But now that you have identified the behaviors that you don’t want to continue, you can begin to create new, different patterns.
Some behaviors, like addiction or domestic abuse, may require some professional help first. You may need to go to a detox or a rehab facility. You may need therapy or coaching. Either way, it’s 100% possible to change behaviors.
It just takes effort and heart on your part. Again, if you receive negative feedback from your family that doesn’t like how you are changing, you may need to let go of communication with them for a time until you fully get yourself healed and onto a new path.
3. Heal Childhood Trauma
In a dysfunctional family dynamic, there will be chaos, which can leave a child wounded. For example, if there is alcohol abuse or addiction in the family, even if it isn’t the primary caregiver, the child will have seen way too much that a small child should ever have to see.
For example, maybe the child saw Dad get drunk and punched his mom a lot. Or Mom would get drunk and take off all her clothes and dance on the living room table. Children are smart enough to know that these types of behaviors are not “normal” but especially not “healthy.”
Maybe your family didn’t drink often, only on holidays. But still, people would act differently and get loud, and it would be traumatic for the child to grow up in this type of environment.
So, it is very important that you look back on your past and work to let go of some of the hurt from the past. Childhood trauma can show itself in many different ways until we come face-to-face with it.
For example, maybe you are drawn to men who drink and get abusive. This is an unhealthy family cycle. Even if you aren’t the one drinking. But you are still putting up with the behavior of the other person.
So, if you notice that you keep drawing these types of men into your life, you need to work on healing your relationship with your parent. It’s not always possible to do this with the actual parent, either. Many are not into “helping you heal” because they will deny that there were ever any issues.
So, what you need to do is write a letter to your parents or grandparents, whoever caused the traumatic experiences. Then, you can explain in the letter how their lifestyle affected you and then forgive them.
Even if you don’t give them the letter, you get it out on paper, so you can work through it this way. You could even set the paper on fire to release it into the Universe.
4. Begin Inner Child and Shadow Work
A major step to becoming a generational cycle-breaker is doing the shadow and inner child work.
It’s not really important which one you do first, but I typically advise inner child work before shadow work. Some people actually benefit from shadow work first, so it’s really whichever one you think will be easier to start off with. So, what is inner child work?
Inner Child Work
We all have an inner child representing the young and naive “little us” from our childhood. When we grow up in toxic family dynamics, the inner child is often not heard, not allowed to be themselves, and not allowed to have the proper fun, love, and compassion that they deserve. So, because of this trauma, the inner child is wounded.
So, when we want to break free from generational cycles, we must work to connect to our inner child. Until we connect to our inner child or shadow, for that matter, they can both run the show through our subconscious, and we will repeat bad behaviors over and over.
So, neglecting inner child work could hold you back when trying to become a generational cycle-breaker!
Shadow Work
Our shadow is the negative aspect of ourselves we have repressed over the years. So again, in these dysfunctional families, your family could have told you that being creative or artistic was wrong.
So, you repressed that part of yourself because they told you that you couldn’t make any money as an artist or maybe as a singer.
Now, your creative side could be part of your shadow or even your inner child. They really go hand in hand, but they are two different aspects of our subconscious. But mostly, the shadow will be whatever someone told us as a child was bad. So, if we get angry and are punished, we think anger is bad.
That part of us may lash out and really let people have it because our shadow is trying to get our attention. We need to integrate the shadow self into ourselves to become whole as a human being.
It is essential that you work on recognizing the repressed parts of your shadow that often show up when you are in a conflict with someone, accepting those parts as part of you, and not judging them as “bad” or “negative.”
Once we integrate the shadow and heal the inner child’s wounds, we will be able to become our authentic selves, and therefore, creating new habits and breaking these generational cycles will become much easier.
5. Set Healthy Boundaries With Your Family
Now that you have put in all the work to change your behaviors, you are going to have to set boundaries with your family. For some people, this is a difficult step, but it is a must. Otherwise, you risk being pulled back into the old patterns because, hey, they feel comfortable, right? But we must get out of our comfort zone to make necessary changes and to become generational cycle-breakers!
6. Start New Patterns or Routines
One of the last steps to becoming a generational cycle-breaker is to start your new patterns or routines. It typically takes around 21 days to form a new habit or routine in the brain. A new neural pathway will be paved in about three weeks. Although some “science” says it takes 66 days or so, I think it can happen in three weeks, and for me, that has been the case with any new pattern I set up for myself.
So, you have to make sure to dedicate yourself to your new habits or routines for at least 21 days. I often suggest three weeks to be safe and try not to miss a day.
A good pattern I always suggest is a self-care routine.
If you are familiar with me and my work, you’re probably rolling your eyes right now. But there’s a reason I harp on self-care so much.
When you begin a self-care routine, you are telling your body, mind, and soul that you love it so much that you are willing to show yourself the love and compassion that you deserve.
You may not have gotten it as a child, and you may not have a relationship in the world that is showing you this love now, but you can always show yourself love, first and foremost.
Once we develop a self-care routine and the cells in our body and organs know that we are loved, they will respond better to our new behaviors.
If you are going to stop drinking and become that cycle-breaker, a good place to start after you stop drinking is to begin a self-care routine.
Then, after you have your self-care routine in your brain, you may still have cravings for alcohol.
When these cravings arise, remind yourself of the good things in life that you have or will have because you are not drinking, and find a way to distract yourself.
Exercise, read a book, or dance for 20 minutes. The cravings will go away, and you will get a more natural buzz from the exercise anyway.
Work With a Coach To Break Generational Cycles
Unlearning toxic behaviors and beliefs can take a good bit of time and may be challenging for some people. However, a generational trauma coach can help you work through the process more easily.
I’m a generational cycle-breaker and coach, and I have a step-by-step process to help you define the patterns you want to break free from and better understand your family dynamics.
I can also walk you through shadow work and inner child work, as I have successfully used Jungian-style archetypal work not only for myself but also for my clients.
If you want to become a generational cycle-breaker but would like more help, contact Unleash Your Healing Vibes today.
Let’s set up a connection call to determine the cycles and the beliefs that you’d like to break free from and look at how my UNLEASH method can help you to achieve just that in a few months! Sign up for a connection call today.
🧘 Join our Private “Healing Hive” Group, which offers weekly coaching sessions with Alicia Ramella, and join a community where everyone is learning to break generational curses together!
Ready to start healing ancestral trauma today? Sign up for my FREE 5-day Vibe Challenge, during which we will move closer to transforming the generational trauma that holds you.