Are you saying things that you don’t mean when you get upset? Do you have a dark side but don’t know how to approach it? Are you wanting to learn how to do shadow work so that you can become whole?
If you want to heal your psyche, you must integrate the shadow self. Everything that you have repressed about yourself lives in the shadow.
The shadow remains unconscious but will come out without warning if you don’t do the inner work. The more you try to pretend these darker aspects of yourself don’t exist, the more they will act out, usually without warning.
This article will cover what shadow work is, why it is important, and look at some ways that you can learn how to do shadow work on your own.
What Is Shadow Work?
If you want to know how to do shadow work, you will first need to understand what the shadow is.
Your shadow is the part of you that contains all the parts of your personality that you have repressed and denied. But when you don’t own or integrate these aspects of yourself, they will sneak out, and you’ll be like, where did that come from? Why on Earth did I say that?
Think of a boiling pot with a lid on the stove. All of your emotional energy that you repress doesn’t go away. It bottles up, eventually exploding like a volcano and sometimes all over people you love.
But once you work to discover these repressed emotions or personality traits, learn to integrate them into your being, and become whole, these aspects won’t act out anymore.
You just have to stop pretending that these parts of you don’t exist.
Repressed parts of yourself can take a while to find, as you could have repressed them as a young child, so sometimes you really have to dig deep.
What Are the Three Main Functions of Your Shadow?
The shadow self is not meant to hurt you, but it is a means to help you grow. Once you integrate your shadow, it has three main functions that it helps you with.
These include the following:
- Carries your raw passions
- Allows you to have compassion for others
- Will not allow you to keep denying any parts of yourself
Without a shadow, there would be no spark to teach us to grow and learn while here on Earth. Our shadow needs to be loved and thanked, not despised or ignored. With the use of shadow work, we can truly jump to a higher timeline.
Without the shadow, your life would be less eventful, yes, but would you grow and find your true purpose without it? Probably not. Light needs the shadow just as the shadow needs the light, and without both, we couldn’t get to where we need to go.
At the end of the day, the goal is to become complete and whole instead of fractured. How do you know that you need to do some shadow work?
How Do You Know That You Need To Do Some Shadow Work?
If you are experiencing outbursts and weird personality changes that you don’t understand, or you are at a stopping point in your spiritual development, then maybe it’s time to start doing some shadow work.
Here are some of the common signs that you may need to check your shadow side as it is taking a leading role in your life.
These include the following:
- You are in denial of things or parts of yourself that other people are telling you about.
- You are changing yourself for other people.
- You are people-pleasing.
- You are increasingly engaging in negative self-talk.
- You feel “stuck.”
- You can’t seem to manifest or sync up with the reality that you want to create.
- You are experiencing intense emotions.
- You are feeling angry, lustful, or lashing out at your loved ones at unpredictable times.
- You are not engaging in your self-care properly.
- You are ignoring your basic needs.
- You are on a spiritual path, but you have plateaued and can’t seem to get any further on your journey.
Some Ways To Do Shadow Work
Identifying and accepting your shadow’s existence is the only way to truly integrate it into your whole person.
Let’s examine some of the best tips and learn how to do shadow work.
Identify Your Shadow
So, when learning how to do shadow work, first things first, you have to dig down deep and find out who your shadow is.
What personality traits did you perceive as “bad” or that someone told you as a child that they were “bad?” What aspects did you deem dark, and now you have lost those parts?
You want to show this part of yourself compassion, though, because if you approach your shadow self with judgment, you will only repress these parts, further delaying your progress.
You have to learn to accept all parts of your soul so that you can work to bring them back into your life.
So, let’s think of the times that you lashed out at someone in anger. When was the last time you were jealous? What about sexual desires? Do you have any, or have you been repressing your sexual drive? When was the last time that you felt hatred toward someone else?
These are the types of questions you will really need to look at yourself truthfully in order to find out your shadow.
The reason why so many people can’t do shadow work on their own is that they are in denial that they have any of these “negative” aspects. This is why when you choose to learn how to do shadow work with a coach or a therapist, they can help you see some of the parts that you may be ignoring or denying that you simply can’t see on your own.
Go Back to Where It All Began
Once you have identified the shadow parts of yourself, the next step in how to do shadow work is to trace back to where it all began.
For example, try to remember when you were first jealous and what was said to you or who told you that it was not good to be a “green-eyed monster?”
I remember when I read a book, perhaps it was a Bernstein Bears book; anyway, I remember reading about the green-eyed monster and learning that it wasn’t nice to be jealous. So, from a young age, I put jealousy down as a part of me that simply doesn’t exist.
Then, when I got into interpersonal relationships as an adult, and my insane jealousy behaviors started showing their faces, I was like, what, where did this come from?
It turns out that I do have some jealousy.
But once I faced it and looked back to the point in my life when I first decided that part of me should be pushed away forever, I was able to better understand the reasons behind why I felt that way. Then, I could allow myself to accept that I had this part of myself, and now it doesn’t come out and control me anymore.
Emotional Body Work
The shadow self is often found in the emotional body—all the aspects of your personality that did not live up to your family’s moral codes as a child or the “ideal person” that your ego has created.
The shadow is like a teacher. If you are feeling blocked in your life, this energetic block could be trying to show you something that you need to clear, heal, or get over. Working on the shadow is also practicing “emotional body” work.
Think of the shadow as a teacher, and it will make the process so much easier. So, if you are feeling stuck, maybe your shadow is trying to show you a side of yourself that you need to integrate.
Remember, living in duality is just that. There is no good or bad; there is just a human. You are a human being, and when you embrace the whole human, the shadow will stop showing itself so much as you have graduated and accepted this other part of you fully.
Get to Know Your Shadow Personally
On your path to knowing how to do shadow work, you will need to get to know your shadow. Get to know your shadow self on a personal level.
Remember, don’t condemn or judge. Simply step into the role of the observer and have a conversation with your shadow side. Let your shadow side know that you want to work with it. You want to become partners, not dominate each other.
It’s like a healthy relationship with others; you want to have that same dynamic with your shadow self.
So simply get into a quiet, still state of mind and talk to your shadow out loud. You could say something like, “I know that you want to feel recognized and important, but I also want you to stop acting out.” “Could we maybe work together in harmony and do what serves us both?”
Then you could sit and see if any emotions start to arise that maybe you need to feel into.
Maybe there’s some anger that comes up. Feel into the anger and acknowledge it. Speak to the shadow about the anger. “I see that you are angry”. “Can you explain why”? “Maybe I can try to understand where you are coming from and help you let go of this anger”.
You’ll begin to notice when this is working. When you feel anxious or overwhelmed, your shadow could be warning you that a situation you are in may need some attention. Then, you can see where your imbalance of energy is coming from before the shadow has to act out to get your attention.
Listening to its messages subtly is a way of working together to ensure that things don’t get too out of control.
For example, if you are in an argument with someone that you love and you start to feel a sense of anxiety coming up. Take a step back before you say something that is going to hurt the other person.
Your shadow is warning you to walk away before you get too upset and say something that you will regret. Instead of it taking over and flying off the handle and gushing venom all over the person that you love, you can stay calm. Your loved one will notice the growth in your behavior as well.
Notice When You Are Projecting
Projection is proof of an unintegrated shadow. So when learning how to do shadow work, notice when you are projecting onto other people. So, say you are talking to your child about their messy room.
But then you go into your room, and it’s messy, too. So, you don’t like the mess in your room, but instead of acknowledging that you are being messy, you project this onto your child.
So you notice that you are upset over their messiness. If you stop and notice this, then you can get to know your messy side.
See, with projection, you pinpoint things in other people that you yourself have but just aren’t able to see.
This is super obvious in relationships with narcissists. Boy, are they the “Projecting Paul’s” of the world, huh?
But the truth is that we all do this until we start doing the inner work and facing our shadow self. We are going to project onto others this stuff that we need to acknowledge about ourselves. So the next time you are upset with someone, take notice and ask yourself if they are doing something that maybe you do too. Instead of becoming reactive, try to become curious about yourself and your shadow.
Working With a Professional
If you are struggling with how to do shadow work, you might benefit from working with a coach or therapist specializing in shadow work. You will want to ask them if they are familiar with Charles G. Jung and Jungian psychology, as this means they will know about shadow work and how to help you.
A good coach or therapist will help you explore your unconscious mind, find the lost aspects of yourself, and help you figure out how to integrate them back into your life so that you can become whole.
Hire a Coach To Help You With Shadow Work
When you want to step onto the spiritual path or even just want to heal and change patterns that keep repeating, one of the very first things that you will need to do is learn how to do shadow work.
When learning how to do shadow work, you’ll have to dive back into your past to find where repression and wounding have occurred in your life.
Sometimes, shadow work can be challenging and painful. While clearing out old wounds is painful, it is absolutely necessary for growth.
If you decide that you want someone to help you navigate your shadow work process, Unleash Your Healing Vibes can help.
Having studied Jung’s and Freud’s psychoanalysis extensively, I know how important it is to integrate the shadow at the beginning of our healing journey. I also studied the work of James Hillman, who worked closely with Jung, and know how important these archetypes are to our collective expansion as a species.
With me, we can dive into your shadow work process. I can guide you along through the process at your own pace and help you see some themes that may be occurring in your dreams or behaviors that you may be expressing that are actually your shadow trying to speak to you. Reach out today for a free discovery session, and let’s get your shadow work going to reach your highest timeline.