Are you wondering why empaths and narcissists are attracted to each other?
This is a very common theme. As an empath myself, I’ve attracted a couple of narcissists in my day, too.
But sometimes, this can just be a generational curse. So, if you are an empath who has had any narcissists in your life, then maybe your parents and your grandparents had the same dynamic. But there are other reasons for the phenomenon, too. This article will cover some of the top reasons why empaths and narcissists are attracted to each other.
What Is an Empath?
So, you know the person who sees the good in everyone no matter how evil the other person can get? This is the empath. The empath sees the littlest good in a person and has the highest hopes of bringing that light out of them and away from their evil ways.
These are the people who get into a relationship and think they can “fix” them.
An empath is able to pick up on the energy of everyone around them. An empath may even find it difficult to distinguish their own emotions from the emotions of others, especially when they are younger and aren’t aware of what an empath is or how to handle being one.
They can pick up on the emotions, thoughts, feelings, desires, motives, vulnerabilities, and even physical pain of other people.
Empaths are very sensitive to their environment. A Highly Sensitive Person (HSP) can also be considered an empath, but they also have other sensitivities that many empaths will not have.
Many empaths feel that they have a calling to help the whole world. Many become healers, coaches, therapists, psychologists, teachers, doctors, and other professionals who can help others by using their talents to read their energy and feelings.
Empaths can feel the vibes of the room, so crowds can drain them of energy. They may thrive better in peaceful environments alone or with small groups of people.
The challenge for most empaths is learning what energy and emotions are theirs and clearing away energy that is not theirs.
When empaths don’t clear their energetic field properly, they can get physically ill or experience anxiety or other mental health issues.
What Is a Narcissist?
A narcissist typically lacks empathy. They have a massive sense of entitlement and grandiosity. This is the person who exaggerates their importance to everyone.
You know the person who works at the grocery store, but when he describes his job to you, he risks his life daily fighting with bears. Okay, so maybe they are not always that grandiose, but now you get the picture.
Narcissism comes from the Greek mythology of Narcissus. Narcissus saw his reflection in the water and fell in love with himself.
They need constant approval, look at me, notice me, pay attention to me, and show me love now. They demand it. But a narcissist will put on a powerful mask when out in public.
However, on the inside, they usually have very low self-esteem and loathe who they are.
A narcissist will need to be the center of attention at all costs. Their life is much more important than yours, and they feel very much entitled to your material things even if you haven’t offered anything to them.
Often, they are above authority and can have difficulties with the law. However, they are very manipulative and excel at gaslighting tactics and persuasion, so they tend to get out of trouble, especially if they have the funds for a good legal team.
A narcissist is very controlling, and they put all the blame on other people.
Deep down, they are afraid of being abandoned or rejected, and may find it hard to put their trust in other people.
What Do Empaths and Narcissists Have in Common?
Both empaths and narcissists can understand other people’s motivations for doing something. This is due to their high emotional intelligence. Both empaths and narcissists have cognitive empathy, meaning that they can read others’ emotions. Narcissists just don’t have their own emotional empathy.
One reason why empaths and narcissists are attracted to each other is that they can both read and pick up on other people’s needs and wants. The difference is how they use this information.
A narcissist will read up on other people’s vulnerabilities and use it to their own selfish benefit.
In comparison, an empath will pick up on the energy of others in an effort to aid in their better well-being.
What Attracts an Empath and a Narcissist Together?
Do you know how opposites attract? It’s all about energy. But what really draws these two together is that they mirror their shadows.
But not in a healthy way, like twin flame mirroring. Twin flames will mirror aspects back to each other to grow as souls.
A narcissist and an empath will get into a toxic back-and-forth mirroring that never heals until they split up and overcome codependency or trauma bond issues.
See, an empath will be attracted to the narcissist in the beginning, as the narcissist will, of course, be wearing a mask and showing the empath what they think they want to see.
An empath can feel the good qualities inside them and hope for the best. Remember, empaths are sort of like energy sponges, but they have a yearning to heal others.
This is precisely what narcissists see and crave.
A narcissist needs attention and longs for someone to help them.
But in reality, they end up siphoning the energy from the empath for their own benefit and draining them of their light.
Most empaths, while in a trauma bond or codependency, have not yet learned how to love themselves properly as they feel that it is a selfish thing to do. So, they lack healthy boundaries, which the narcissist takes full advantage of.
Soon, the empath loses who they are altogether and has picked up the personality traits of the narcissist, which is another reason why empaths and narcissists are attracted to each other.
What Are Some Reasons They Stay Together?
One of the biggest reasons why empaths and narcissists are attracted to each other is because a narcissist will be magnetized to an empath’s loving and compassionate nature.
Remember, most narcissists had difficult childhoods where they either weren’t given enough love and care or were put up on a pedestal and showered with unnecessary attention and learned that they could do no wrong.
Either way, their childhood paved the path for toxic relationships in the future.
On the other hand, an empath will be drawn to the charisma and confidence aspects of the narcissist, at least at first. Eventually, they will get to a point where they despise the behavior, but often only once it is time to heal.
Narcissists are often good-looking and make an extra effort to be so. They often have the finances and material wealth to show off to the empath in the beginning. They might not know that sometimes, they steal the wealth of another empath, but that’s not always the case.
Empaths are people-pleasers. They typically learned from a young age to read the energy of the room. So, when there was chaos as a child, the empath would pick up on it and make the parents laugh or happy so that the environment could calm back down to normal.
This makes the little empath feel safe. So, in relationships, an empath will do the same with their partner.
So, if the narcissist is not happy, the empath will go out of their way to fix whatever it is that is wrong with them, even at their own expense.
How To Heal From the Toxic Relationship After It’s Over?
The relationship is toxic for both parties, so what happens when you finally escape a trauma-bonded or codependent relationship with a narcissist? How do you recover from the turmoil that you’ve faced?
Many times, these types of relationships can get very abusive: physically, mentally, and even sexually abusive. Even after you are free, you may be suffering from trauma, and you are probably a bit angry.
Empaths internalize everything, so at some point, these emotions and feelings will come back up, and they can show themselves in your physical, mental, spiritual, or emotional bodies as well. See, the narcissist will do the opposite and project everything onto the empath, so the empath will be blamed for the relationship going south.
But it doesn’t matter what they think, say, or do; you are free, so now it’s time to heal.
Self-Compassion
One of the best ways to heal after a breakup with a narcissist is to treat yourself with self-compassion. You survived a toxic relationship. You need time to heal.
Please don’t beat yourself up over it, but show yourself the same compassion you gave them when you defended their behaviors to everyone.
Now, it’s time to show yourself compassion and love. Go easy with your healing process. Find things that make you feel good again. Work on protecting your energy.
Qigong is a great place to start. You can work to build protection around your aura so that you can learn when you are holding onto emotions or feelings that aren’t yours and let them go.
Set Healthy Boundaries
As an empath, you want to learn to set healthy boundaries so the next time, you will not draw in another narcissist. One of the reasons why empaths and narcissists are attracted to each other is that neither of them has boundaries.
So, once you learn to set healthy boundaries around yourself, you can protect your energy better.
You can make a list of what you will and will not put up with the next time you get in a relationship—heck, not even just “in a relationship.”
You need to set boundaries for how you are going to let people approach you in general. You need people to respect your space and check their energy at your door. Get a sign saying, “Check your energy before you come in this house.”
But seriously, if you are not into literal signs, you just need to write down some of the stuff that you will not tolerate from others, including platonic relationships, too.
Sometimes, you need to isolate for a while to really find yourself. After being in a codependent and toxic relationship with a narcissist, you lose who you are. So, if you need a year or more for hermit mode, take it.
That way, you will have healthy boundaries when you are ready to go out in the dating world again. You will magnetize someone who respects you and loves you for you instead of wanting to use you because boundaries will repel a narcissist.
Self-Care
The next thing that you want to do is develop a self-care routine. Another big reason why empaths and narcissists are attracted to each other is that the empath rarely has a self-care practice.
They spend all of their time people pleasing instead. Having a self-care routine is going to keep a narcissist away from you; they are looking for someone to care for them all the time.
They aren’t interested in a person who loves themselves first.
A good self-care routine will get the focus back on you. You will learn who you are and what your needs are.
You can then work on your inner stuff, healing your inner child, doing some shadow work, and raising your vibration so that you will feel great!
Self-care can be basic. Find something that makes you feel loved, and do it every day.
This can be meditation, yoga, journaling, or even running! Once you establish a self-care routine, you will recover much faster.
Hire a Coach
If you are an empath and you need to heal after a breakup with a narcissist, or maybe you are still in a relationship with one but want some help to see if you can save it.
If so, you need a codependency coach.
As an empath, I’ve had my share of narcissistic relationships before I finally healed. Now, I have all the tools that I need, so I never have to go down that path again, and I want to teach you how to be in that position, too.
Reach out today, and let’s set up a call to help you get your energy back after a relationship with a narcissist.
PS: Grab my FREE 5-Day Vibe Shift Challenge. You’ll get free daily tools to help you heal from these types of relationships!